Tuesday, January 30, 2007

How About Now?

Part One
Husband returns home after a week's absence, we have talked every day, I have genuinely missed him in the emptiness of the house, found myself staying up later and later with the internet and reruns of Law and Order.

I give him time to unpack, he's coming down with a cold, he steps into the shower. When he comes out, I am waiting for him with a towel. He puts on his pajamas, I touch his cock, I ask if I can kiss it. I suck him kneeling on the bath mat, bamboo imprinting on my knees. I love his cock, peach-soft skin, shorter but thick, one of the good things that came of his affair was that he started shaving here. He holds my head and fucks my mouth, making me gag, I go back and forth between actively using my tongue and holding my jaw slack and my lips firm so he can fuck.

"I've got to fuck you." I stand up, he bends me over the bathroom counter, I hold onto the sink as he slides into me from behind, grips my hips, plunges.

"Where do you want me to come?"
"Where do you want to come?"
"Can I come on your face?"
I turn around and kneel, opening my mouth for effect and hoping it's mostly on my face, I've been off swallowing for anyone lately (I never swallow for clients, too personal). He comes. This time, he does remember that it's nice if you then pass your partner some kleenex.

"Is everything all right?" he asks. He does not mean with me. He means with us, with our relationship. He means, please tell me you won't leave me. I'm not turned on enough to regret not coming, and I suspect he's too tired and sick for the amount of foreplay it would take to get me revved up again anyway.

"Everything is great. I love you."

Part Two
This morning, my client and I cancel, I have misunderstood the location and I can't get there and back in time to meet my other obligations. I am shaved, blow-dried, made-up and wearing pretty underwear. Why waste it?

Husband is aware that something is up - I have been talking on one phone and the other one rang, I don't know if he's buying my cover story, the facts of misunderstanding plus the veneer that the appointment was with a business friend we both know. He asks, "Is everything all right?" and I promise I will never leave him.

I kiss Husband through the shower curtain, pass him his towel. "Any chance of seducing you before breakfast?"

"How about after breakfast?"

He leaves the house without breakfast.

Post Script
I cried writing the first part. I felt obligated to put in the second part, to give some context, to not make him look like the bad guy.

Everyone else wants me...


Tom Paine said...

That's very moving. I can feel the tension in the room, and know exactly what you're going through. You want so much to be open and transparent with the person you love more than anyone else, but don't know how to tell them something that is going to be incredibly painful to hear. So you hem and haw and pretend things are fine, and they want so much to believe you, though they know you're lying.

Been there, don't think I could ever go back. I'm incredibly lucky, and I wish you all the best in making the transition you're facing.

dexplorer said...

First what Tom Paine said. I’d like to say more along those lines but I’ve got to read you straight through first to really know enough.

I just ran into your blog through sugasm – which I also ran into a few weeks ago. Wow, oh wow oh wow!! I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying your blog, the quality of your writing, your hotness, and what you’re doing. And you!

Right now I’ve just read a few posts that are recent. And then I went back to the beginning and am now through Jan 17, 2007, entitled “Enough about me, what do you think of me?” And I’m going straight through. Had to jump off and comment now though. I’m bursting.

It’s the way you’re living your life and going about this new venture that is so amazing. This is going to be one exhilarating ride!! And sometimes scary. Keep spilling ALL! There’s so much bs out there about this sort of thing, but you’ve got a truly authentic voice. I fascinated to see how this develops, and does or doesn't affect other things. Maybe even for better.

You’re not doing this in any cookie cutter way I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve heard of a lot. You’ve got a husband you deeply care about and take good care of and intend to never leave and with whom you share a fine house, but who doesn’t know about your recent supplemental career moves (shades of Belle du Jour), a fine education with an advanced arts degree, a lover (does your husband know about him – haven’t read far enough yet to know), and someone else you fuck “to make your lover happy” (kinda imagine it’s a kick you did too)! Phewww. Talk about appetite!

Oh and, yeah, this new supplemental career – where you’re carefully screening men by email not only for safety but also spelling, grammar and intelligence, and also at preliminary sit downs where they’ve got to measure up on reasonable physical attractiveness and some kind of physical connection. So, you know, you can maybe sometimes get off on the paid sex too. Cause, you provide ample evidence even as little as I’ve read so far that you are one hypersexual woman, and it seems clear, money isn’t the ONLY motivator for you to be venturing into this sideline, the way you’re doing it. There you know, the high adventure, and thrilling badness of it all, the rule breaking. And even some MORE sex.

Phewwwww!!!! What a woman! Wish I was your husband. Only I’d want to be in on EVERYTHING – and encouraging you (so long as you were reassuring me about me being forever and number one love and kept giving to me sexually, as you’re doing).

I’ve got a movie you HAVE to rent (beyond Belle du Jour, which I imagine you’ve seen, and isn’t as applicable anyway). Right away! Speaks RIGHT to what you’re doing – and may inspire some changes and upgrading. It’s Word of Mouth (1999) starring the natural, gorgeous in a sophisticated way, Catalina Larranaga. Softcore done really well. In the form of a movie about a young film maker doing a documentary on a Beverly Hills call girl who only takes a relative few and select clients by word of mouth from her existing client base, only accepts some of them for repeats, almost only sees regulars many of whom are quasi lovers whom she acts for but also often really enjoys as well, and who loves her life and finds it sexually fulfilling. (Well she also deeply misses having a true love, which is where the filmmaker starts to come in, maybe, etc. – but you’ve got that amply covered.) It’s very intelligently done and mostly about the story and the psychology. I think you’ll love it. Netflix and Blockbuster have it. Here’s the imdb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203214/

So I’m kinda thinking since you’re a hyper sexual girl who loves to sex a lot and loves sexual adventure, that you might want to go even more selective than you are now. Sure seems like you could. You’re not trying to make this high volume, and not trying to earn highest possible money regardless of how you FEEL about it and your life. (Just say you’re too busy with regulars to the ones who you’ve seen, don’t make the new tougher sexual fun cut. You’ll email if an opening comes up. But you’ve got a waiting list of the ones you’ve felt most comfortable with already. You really aren’t seeing very many.) Some thoughts, anyway.

I realize the husband issue is the real issue but I've got to get read through first.