Rum Raisin/Pistachio

I’m already running late when I leave the house, get to the second set of lights, realize I’ve forgotten my laptop cord and have to go back for it. I’ll have time between two appointments, and I want to be productive with the hotel internet. I call Estimated Age: Mummy and move our appointment up half an hour, which he is totally OK with. Thank God. The scene at the hotel – the room isn’t ready, then it’s the wrong room, the second room smells like smoke, I realize in the third room that I’ve left my bag in the second room and then there’s no hot water. In the sink. In the shower, there’s no water at all. I have exactly fourteen minutes to be completely ready and I’m not wearing any makeup yet.

I take a baby wipe bath and shave with facewash gel, can’t get the legs so I put on stockings and hope he won’t want to take them off. EA:M knocks as I am putting on my shoes, but I just make it. Good thing disheveled hair reads as “sexy”…

We spend the first forty-five minutes talking and eating grapes and pineapple and nice juice, and I’m mostly interested. He’s fatter than I remember, but not objectionable. He spends the next forty-five minutes giving me a backrub, and he asks if I need to be done. I say I’m fine with about an hour longer, hoping against hope that he will tip, so that I don’t have to feel resentful and then change my damn policy. Again.

After enough gentle rubbing that I’m decently turned on, he goes down on me, asking some specific questions about what I like – questions a girl can actually answer in the moment, like, “Do you like my tongue right on your clit?” “Try it and see…Ummm…yes, but not too long, it’s a little intense.” And then he follows directions. As if he has actually listened to what I answered, and cares. It’s like a primer for my first on-girl appointment later tonight! (NB to oral givers reading this - and that should be all of you, boys and girls! - “What do you like” is not a good question, because my answer “Firm, steady pressure with the broadest part of your tongue moving vertically in the center of the area between, but not on, my clit and my vagina” is a bit too clinical for the moment and perhaps off-putting. (NB to self – how many Gentle Readers are copy pasting and saving that information in case we hook up? Probably best not to ask. Just be thankful they’re thoughtful, caring listeners.))

So oral is pretty good. Not Circus Guy caliber, but good. And I realize, when EA:M rubs his face into me, that a little pain there is exactly what’s going to make me come, but I’m not ready to be raw for a client, plus I still have to work later. So I fake it, despite him having told me he doesn’t want to fake it, and me promising not to. There’s a little ethical morass for you. Does it help when I say I desperately had to pee and was worried about farting, and coming is the fastest way to make them feel good about stopping?

I go down on him, he’s under-endowed and not trimmed at all, but it’s not bad, and at least I can take him in my mouth to the hilt. He asks me if I’ll lick his balls, they’re damn hairy but I’m game. I get on top, and the pressure of really, really needing to pee plus the joy of my total amusement at his thumb in my hip crease when he is aiming about four inches more to center, makes me genuinely come. Once again, it’s a little one. Once again, he’s blown away. Auntie Mames of the world, we’re going to start a damn club. The Shrieking Shaking Not Shy At All Club, and Milton’s wife and I will be the charter members. C., you in? Gillette can be president.

He asks if he can come in my mouth and I decline, telling him to warn me. When he warns me, I wait a comesecond, which is the exact amount of time needed to establish “I’m not disgusted by your semen, oh, no! I just want to watch it spurt! Yeah! That’s why I’m taking my mouth off!”

Afterwards, he tells me that he took up “the hobby” because he needed some excitement in his life and he’d already traveled all he wanted. I cannot imagine this. For me, there’s not enough travel in the world. “I have grandchildren, and yeah, that was exciting, but not like this.” I briefly visualize a towheaded child licking an ice cream (Rum Raisin and Pistachio) while EA:M bones the ice cream lady on a park bench. Then I visualize EA:M turning into a roast beef sandwich and getting the hell out of bed so I can shower.

He pays in full, plus a 25% tip, plus room. So yeah, I’ll see him again.