Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Cooking with Mandy – Take Me Truffles

You need:

Nina Simone: Remixed and Reimagined
Bag of Ghirardelli semi-sweet or bittersweet chocolate chips
Heavy whipping cream
Cayenne pepper
Patron Tequila
Cocoa powder
Soup spoon
Medium-sized glass/ceramic/china bowl (glass holds heat in a way you need)
Small bowl of any material
Aluminum foil
Plate or tupperware

Put on Nina Simone and wash your hands.

Pour the chocolate chips into the glass bowl and microwave for a minute and thirty seconds or until the chocolate chips are gooey. Just like anal, it’s better to start slow and end up going longer than you planned than to burn your chocolate and have to start over with unpleasant memories.

Stir the chocolate with the fork, adding a pinch of cayenne and a pinch of cinnamon. I advise shaking them gently out of the package rather than using your fingers, because you will later forget and touch your eyes and tragedy will ensue. Special Tip: Cayenne and cinnamon in the Hispanic foods aisle cost about half what they do in the baking and spices aisle.

Add a shot of tequila. (Don't get into the tequila yet or you won't be able to taste the truffles.)

Stir some more and taste. Keep adding cinnamon and cayenne until you like how it tastes and you think “well, it could be a little spicier.” It will get spicier later. Lick the fork clean.

Stir in two big spoonfuls of cold whipping cream. The chocolate may start to become pasty right away. If it does, add a little more liquid, either cream or tequila. If it doesn’t, put it in the fridge. Either way, leave it sit (fridge or counter) for as long as it takes you to gratify your partner while kneeling on the kitchen floor (or masturbate to completion). No fair pretending and watching TV instead. If you are quick, you might need to go twice.

Wash your hands again and put a sheet of aluminum foil on the counter.

Pour a few spoonfuls of cocoa powder into the other bowl, add a tiny pinch each of cayenne and cinnamon and stir with the fork. This cayenne is going to make first contact with your tongue when eating the truffles, so be sparing.

Use the spoon to dig out walnut-size chunks of chocolate paste and mold them into balls with your fingers – work quickly and discover why the M&M candy shell is such a big deal. Roll each ball in the cocoa powder and set it on the foil, spaced apart. If you run out of cocoa powder, make more.

Let truffles sit while you have a second round (cook's choice), unless you live in a hot climate with no A/C (skip to next step). I recommend bent over the sink or sitting on the counter, depending on counter height. When you're done, if the truffles are still moist, roll them in cocoa powder one more time.

Feed yourself and your lover a truffle or two, then tuck the rest away on a foil-covered plate or in tupperware while you head to the bedroom for round three.

I’m not sure whether “Bon Appetit” or “Bottoms Up” is more appropriate. Consider them both said.


Tom Paine said...

I prefer champagne truffels by Spruengli. Do you know any place in Chicago that carries them?

Mandy said...

How do you know until you've tried? Tom, you mustn't get set in your ways! It leads to stiffening! The bad kind! (poke)

Spruengli is only as far afield as Brussels, though they will ship internationally from their website -

I'm a Teuscher girl myself -
900 N. Michigan Ave.
Chicago, IL 60611
(888) 387-2437

But I'm hearing good things about Chicago natives Vosges Haut-Chocolat

Chicago – Downtown
520 N. Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611
Ring: 312.644.9450
Hours: Mon-Sat. 10-8, Sun. 11-6

Happy truffling!

Anonymous said...

yummy, darlin'. i will procure me a microwave right away! (sorry, i'm in a place where they say ya'll alot and i do tend to get twangy. yee-haw!)

and now your special cake recipe, the one for which i always forget the alcohol substitutions?!?
*toothy grin*


Tom Paine said...

In the interim since posting that, I located the Teuscher location by calling their American HQ in Boston. Seems great minds think alike. And that's just around the corner from my hotel, so I'll have to go there this weekend, assuming my plane isn't late getting into O'Hare. Just in case I run into a Teuscher girl.

C. is extremely fond of Swiss truffles, both Teuscher and Spruengli. It's another facet of her that can go both ways. We ate Teuscher and Spruengli often and with greedy abandon on the trains of Europe.

And truffles beat room service hands down.

Truffling? Don't you have to dig for truffles? I love exploring unknown geography.

PJ said...

leave it sit (fridge or counter) for as long as it takes you to gratify your partner while kneeling on the kitchen floor

Mandy, have you considered investing in a kitchen timer?

Amanda Holloway is said...

this is my kind of recipe! Can't wait to try it.

Mandy said...

BG - I will absolutely post the cake recipe one of these days. Or just mail you one.

Tom - Now I'm lost...have a great trip!

PJ - I do all my cooking by smell and feel, truly. Come for dinner sometime...I'll bring the kneepads.

Amanda - once you've made the chocolate base, you can use any liquor or ingredients you prefer if you're not into spice. Three big spoonfuls of seedless raspberry jam are great, as is a shot of rum and two shots of orange juice or one spoonful of marmalade.