So I’m noticing on the bulletin boards around Midwestern State that a lot of guys are bitching and moaning about girls who want to switch to condom blowjobs only, since right now there’s a bit of an STD scare going around. (Girl posts that she’s the owner of a brand new, turbo-charged STD, everyone panics, I’m just grateful I haven’t seen many guys, and they haven’t seen many girls (so they claim)). The big observation is - imagine whiny pasty middle-aged guy typing petulantly on company time - “Well I notice they’re still letting us do oral on them for their pleasure!!”
Oh, those selfish, overpriced girls! Letting you pleasure them without protection because it feels so nice, and then refusing to return the favor! Ummmm, whiners? News bulletin:
I’m not. Getting pleasure. From you.
When I come with a lover, I’m with them. I’m with them. I’m enjoying how their body feels, their hands on me. I can tell them, touch me here, do it softer, try it another way, without worrying about offending them or turning them off – even with a new person, I presumably have a personal connection that led us into bed, and I don’t have a vested interest in them coming back to spend more money. If they find me bossy in bed, fine, fuck off, there are lots of less-complicated girls out there if they don’t want to put the effort in.
When I’m with a client, I can’t say, “grab my ass like this, not like that” or the equivalent in nicer language, because that’s not my job. It’s not my role to discover together how they can please me. It’s my role to please them, in whatever way they overtly or covertly ask for. Overtly, they tell me they don’t want me to fake it. Covertly, they clearly expect their skills to make me come nearly instantly. In a way, I think playing this role makes me a lousy whore - or at least, not the kind of whore I want to be. Judging from comments on bulletin boards, I think there are guys who want (or think they want) to be treated like they are really someone I want to be with. Like I care about how they please me, rather than just hoping it will be less-unpleasant than it could be.
More often than not, I come with clients. They like me on top (less work) and that happens to be the position I come relatively easily in. Rub the space below my clit enough, there it goes. But even in the throes of orgasm, part of my brain is ticking off the clock. I’m thinking: How much should I give away in my face? Am I loud enough? Too loud? Crank up the volume a little. No, bring in the lower register, that always sounds good. Close your eyes. OK, throw in a couple extra spasms. Stretch it out a little. Breathy voice. “Mmmm…thank you…that was great…you make me feel so good!” It’s like eating something very nice when you’re just not hungry. You can appreciate the taste, and maybe you paid a lot for it, or maybe someone you care about made it for you and took some trouble, but it’s not the same as sitting down to the table with the sauce of appetite.
I’m thinking more and more about this – how perhaps the whole point of moving into upscale whoring is that I can be me, I can be a lover whose time is purchased rather than a whore whose services are the product. What’s valuable about me is real me – Mandy is a lot more interesting and worth a lot more money for her time than the person I have pretended to be for my clients so far. I also suspect that men with more money have more to lose. I’d rather be able to tell my real name, and what I do, to someone who will enjoy talking with me about it…and will lose his wife, kids, and standing in the community if he tells.
So here’s what I think. I think that if I charge ten times what I charged before, only do long dates and overnights, and put up a cute little website, perhaps 100 men (who are genuinely potential clients) will find me. Of them, 90 will not be able to afford me. Five will not find me attractive and will get a girl with a Barbie body instead. Of the last five, I will not like three. But at ten times the price, I only need two in six months to make the money I want. If I’m lucky, maybe only one and see him twice.
I notice there are fewer seats in First Class...
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Upgrading the Product Line
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16 comments:
....And the Concorde never made any money.
Sure going more upscale and more selective makes sense Mandy. I’ve been saying that and quite a few have. It also I think makes sense to be selective in ways other than just money. In some ways there can be some tradeoff in that of course. More clients at whatever price level is obviously more money but you wish to limit the numbers (and be choosy about more than just the money) rather than fully maximize the money.
You’re not at all a one man at a time sort of woman, the way most are, including it seems in some ways most prostitutes. You love having and do now have occasional but regular multiple lovers anyway. Taking as some of your lovers upscale guys willing and able to pay you handsomely, and also emotionally connecting with them (with boundaries) while enjoying sex (in each of their individual ways) is something you seem fully capable of enjoying. If you really do/can go fully this way you’re pretty clearly going to become what insiders seem to usually call a courtesan, rather than a call girl.
I would guess you’re going to have to transition though, rather than just immediately going with a couple or a handful of clients who you see rarely, and still make significant amounts of part time money. (Three or four regulars she sees quite frequently rather than rarely, with a few newcomers on tryout/for possible new fun from time to time seems a frequent courtesan pattern.) Most successful genuine courtesans seem to have transitioned from being higher priced call girls, and then culling regulars they then saw with quite a bit of frequency, at what seems to have often been a fixed monthly or whatever gifting rate, or a floor or something. After all in many ways your only worth your highest price when clients feel how genuinely full, abandoned and connected the experience can be with you. Anyway something like that seems to have been Gillette’s model and Jane’s (I’ve linked them). Perhaps not the English Courtesan’s - though she doesn't tell much in these areas that I've seen.
There are of course many guys able to pay a lot who just want to get off with some specific sex acts with a very hot looking woman without any real type of connection. That isn’t usually the very higher end and isn’t all you can do and enjoy with clients. Further at the higher end if that’s what a client wants he’s going to want to maximize on the beautiful model arm candy or “barbie” side of things often enough I’d think. It’s not the side of things which speaks to your hyper sexual appetite and abilities. It’s not your best niche.
The idea of only doing longer and more fulsome dates or overnights also makes sense from the point of view of other things about how you’re going about this sideline. Finding, vetting, scheduling, having an initial no sex meeting to feel more sure, making cover stories up for your husband, and getting ready all seem to take up a whole lot, vastly more, time and effort than a typical 2 hr (not to mention shorter) sort of date itself anyway. So longer dates with a client will make him feel like he’s getting a whole lot more than on shorter ones, but not really cost you a whole lot more total time spent – at least if it’s a good rather than difficult experience with him.
You do actually say some apparently contradictory things above. You say:
I’m not. Getting pleasure. From you. [the client]
But you also say that more often than not you do come with clients. I think that’s probably pretty unusual with call girls, though not necessarily courtesans. I also think it indicates a talent or hyper sexuality that you should indeed seek to further use and develop. You said:
More often than not, I come with clients. They like me on top (less work) and that happens to be the position I come relatively easily in. Rub the space below my clit enough, there it goes. But even in the throes of orgasm, part of my brain is ticking off the clock.
But there’s a way to bridge that contradiction and minimize that sense of carefully watching the clock.
Yes to provide the best service you may in some ways often be at least partly performing an act. But it seems with some of the best higher end whores, it’s a role that the whore (since you rather thrillingly like that word) really gets into and owns. It can become more a role than a thin act. And an act can also sometimes become real or have a good deal of reality to it. A somewhat shifted persona can be adopted for a time, maybe in some ways similar to having different personas at least sexually with Lover and husband. As well, I think you CAN bit by bit guide regulars into ways of treating you sexually that genuinely give you the most excitement you are capable of with them, which might be a whole lot in your very fun case.
THAT I think really is or could be your niche, and I’m sure lots of clients would love you to do that. The girlfriend experience on steroids – the hot hypersexual lover experience. I know I would if I were seeing a call girl. You can in fact be a kind of (diplomatic) sexual teacher in some or maybe quite a few cases, or at least a teacher about you. Yes, if he’s not bringing you off at all it’s no doubt better to do a good job faking it than not. But if you sense he COULD be with some guidance, then that would be better yet for both of you – with perhaps some or quite a lot of bridging acting. There are ways of guiding that can be hot rather than complaining. AND if he’s not going to get there in the sex department and isn’t otherwise fun to be with, he’s not regular material in this paradigm you’re cooking up, is he?
I’d still be real careful about giving any client your real last name though. For one thing even a client with things to lose might let something slip inadvertently to another guy, perhaps while pretending you're his mistress rather than an (explicitly) paid call girl. Telling them quite a bit about your life though might not be as risky, AFTER they’re established regulars. If you want more of a paying lovers experience for yourself its very easy to see why you’d want to.
The dichotomy (Lord, I haven't used that word in ages!) between getting paid for sex, no matter how much, and having sex with someone you care about is, I believe, unresolvable. No matter how much money someone pays you, there is still the obligation to him, whereas if we are lovers and I displease you in some way, you are free to send me packing. By the same token, you are more likely to forgive my limitations if you care about me as a person and vice versa.
And from a business standpoint, I'm always uneasy with justifications like the one you have offered. My suggestion would be to find one high-paying client, then move out from there. You can "build it and they will come" (and you, too), or you can approach this like a real business model.
Charging that kind of money will require infrastructure beyond looks and energy. A man with that kind of money to spend on arm candy is able to purchase a lot of ass for less than one would imagine, and far more than any of us have to spend. You're competiting with the B-list models, part-time porn actresses and beautiful, well-educated law students and PhD candidates who can fit into his world.
That's not to say you can't do it. You're not only intelligent, but a sexual athlete. That may be sufficient for the man who's more interested in fucking than in jazzing his friends and business associates.
You will do well, Mandy. You are intelligent, witty, caring, and sexual. Plus Tom says you're gorgeous so that helps...but not as much as the former qualities.
I've been reading you now since you began and although I don't know as I am not you, it sounds like you reached many of the same place inside that I did after abou the same amount of time involved. This is NOT an easy thing to do no matter how open we are sexually, no matter what our reasons for starting.
I believe that if you take your time, screen heavily while sifting and sorting for lots of parameters that meet what you want, that you will create the perfect thing for yourself. It may not be next week, it may take some time, but you will get there.
I find it interesting that you and Livvy are both looking at what you have created and how you want to move forward. I would suggest you go check her out. The two of you might find things to support each other in if you wanted to go there.
I suck at HTML in comments but she is at http://englishcourtesan.blogspot.com/
Good luck, Mandy...
I don't know how much of Gillette's blog you've had time to read Mandy, but I'd really, really listen to her on this. I've linked her. The ex courtesan in transition. Read Jane's fallengirlfalling too. You can read my recent rather breathless amazement and appreciation in comments at both as well. I imagine both would talk with you by email as well.
Tom Paine said—
The dichotomy (Lord, I haven't used that word in ages!) between getting paid for sex, no matter how much, and having sex with someone you care about is, I believe, unresolvable. No matter how much money someone pays you, there is still the obligation to him, whereas if we are lovers and I displease you in some way, you are free to send me packing.
Yeah Tom but there ARE a few women who also like having sex with men they aren’t much emotionally involved with if the sex is good and the guy has something going. Like swinging women and some flavors of you know, poly women (whom you focus on so much). And there are women who are sufficiently attractive that they can attract and winnow down enough to have highly paid sex with men who are like that for them, with some occasional trial balloons gone not so good or bad, and who are in enough demand, and not trying to completely maximize earnings from hooking so much, that they CAN send clients who aren't enjoyable packing. Particularly if they find a variety of kinds of men sexually attractive or rewarding to do big things for. Seems to usually not be so easy fully getting to this place though. Mandy seems like she’s one of them. From their blogs it’s clear that both Gillette (ex courtesan in transition) and Jane (fallengirlfalling) were among them. They both went through struggles and stumbles but they also both created something that worked well for them beyond solely the money. Though it is true Gillette and it appears Jane have both now left this work – they’ve both done so with lots of fond and exciting memories.
What this not surprisingly but clearly (if one reads call girl blogs) doesn’t substitute for is sex with love or a committed and deeply sharing relationship. THAT’s where the biggest difficulty usually seems to lie, for upper end women who really love lots of causal sex with a variety of partners. There’s a big problem in developing or maintaining a deep lover or husband relationship, either on a not telling but frequently unavailable basis, or an open basis. Mandy seems to have a very unusual situation there, with a Lover who lives some distance away with whom she has very hot often D/s kinds of sex if apparently now only occasionally, who knows and is ok with her hooking, and a husband she’s very fond of and who loves her deeply, who knows she acts on her “non monogamous” nature but wants to be as ignorant as possible about how much or in what ways, so long as things feel good at home. Mandy apparently makes things good at home, and apparently despite all else that’s going on for her usually wants sex with her husband more often than he does (!)
Sorry for going on and on. Issues like this and various flavors of poly have been fascinating me for a couple of months now, since I’ve starting discovering some very candid truth telling mostly female sex blogs. That’s the reason, that and liking Mandy. Where my ideas here seem clearly wrong to others, particularly others in the know, obviously including Mandy, I’d love the feedback.
Dexplorer, I don't know if Mandy wants to turn her "comments" section into a salon, but if she will permit me....
There is a HUGE difference between a woman in a swinging situation and hooking. That you would link the two so casually indicates to me you're trying to get into a woman's head from reading blogs and not the real world. If I'm wrong, I apologize, but I think that wanting a lot of sex, even impersonal sex, is very, very different than taking money for it, especially when you've set up a business as Mandy has.
That's not to say that Mandy can't make this work. It's simply pointing out some of the contradictions evident in her own writing. I suspect that hooking requires a certain level of emotional disengagement precisely because there's an exchange of money. Mandy seems capable of remarkable compartmentalization in her life (lives??), but the compartments aren't "watertight," there's a leakage that comes out in her writing.
Unless, of course, she's snowed us all and is really a housewife with an incredibly detailed fantasy world, much like Ken and Jen in Dirty Couple in VA.
The Concorde had higher overhead and had to run a plane whether they sold all the seats or not. I only have to sell one seat, and if it doesn't sell, the plane stays in the hangar!
Dex - to put it in perspective, I have all the time in the world, and I don't have to keep making "significant amounts of part-time money." I don't have to make any part-time money (lucky me) as I already have a job that keeps me insanely busy and supports me at a level I'm happy with. Anything else I do - in this field or any other - is strictly bonus.
I'd rather not cull from my current/previous regulars because, well, I don't enjoy being with them. Also, they found me on an internet bulletin board where the expectations are so much lower than the direction that I'm headed that I'd rather make a clean break and start over.
You're definitely right about it taking the same amount of time to prepare for a date costing a few hundred as for one costing a few thousand. I'd much rather sell one Porsche than twenty little Datsuns!
...
I don't know if it's true for anyone else or not, but I can come without having a good time. For me, the physical act of coming is a result of specific actions. The mental/emotional side is much bigger and better and can't be forced. Where clients make the error is assuming that even a real orgasm is about my pleasure and not theirs.
Unfortunately, I have a type of job and lifestyle where telling anything is like being a little bit pregnant - what I do is distinctive enough that almost any information at all makes me findable in minutes. So that will be a challenge.
Tom - I have an MFA, does that count? I definitely agree, though, that I will be for a very small and specialized market. That said, I get the sense Gillette is (while beautiful) not a Barbie, and all of the men I have seen so far have indicated that they enjoy being with someone who is older and smart - so I think there must be a few men who think that at a higher level, too. And when I was dancing, I made just as much money as ladies much more Barbie than me, based on good conversation. I'm not worried about "fitting into their world" - I grew up with a grandmother with means and a family with a lot of good manners, and I can pick out Armani at twenty paces :)
Gillette - thanks for the encouragement, and know that your blog has been a huge source of inspiration for me, not only on this project!
I'm going to blog more about this topic.
Mandy said—
Also, they found me on an internet bulletin board where the expectations are so much lower than the direction that I'm headed that I'd rather make a clean break and start over.
Oh yeah, ABSOLUTELY.
Sorry for being so unclear. What I meant by culling down to regulars wasn’t from the current mid level group (god forbid) or from ads in that market. Not at all. What I had in mind was culling from a few very well screened very high end recruited call girl dates down to a handful or less real compatible courtesan style regulars, with occasional new try outs. That seems to be what Jane (who’s about your age, maybe two or so years younger) did, although I’m sure she’d recommend independent highest end web marketing from the get go esp. these days. But she and Gillette can of course recommend methods from their experiences.
I hear you about your having the luxury given your other jobs and your comfort with your current income level (whether or not it’s ideal) to do it your own very, very low numbers way from here on out though.
As for your having what it takes to successfully compete in parts of the very high end call girl/courtesan market, I couldn’t agree more. This blog, both the experiences, appetites and attitudes you relate here, and the way you express yourself, make that obvious to me. Without a shadow of a doubt you have the intelligence and cultural/social sensibility to make it at the highest levels. I’ve got about as high end a college/year of UK graduate work/law school education as it gets and I can tell you how you think and express yourself and yes your ed. credentials are wonderful. So far as credentials go, which I don’t think is very far given a minimum of graduation from a pretty good college, a courtesan with an MFA and particularly that sort of sensibility is going to appeal to an awful lot more high enders than a top law degree or say a Ph.D. in English/post modern feminism from an Ivy. A course from Gillette in tantric sexual arts might be a plus though. ;)
You would indeed for example be a simply thrilling travel/sex companion, particularly to more interesting places than some warm beach (such as many places in Europe, or say China). As well for really well off clients you did click with who are themselves hyper-sexual, you could well be an ideal regular paid lover (with boundaries).
"There are fewer seats in first class..." (fabulous line)
..but the overall experience in first class is often much better.
I'll be interested to see how it evolves.
To Tom Paine:
Yes this is a bit Mandy's comments as salon. (But didn't the grand women of belle epoch France, not a few of whom were also courtesans, rather love hosting salons?)
I suspect in real life I've had as much, perhaps more, actual experience with poly as you have. Now I'll admit none of mine is recent. But I've tried to get at the core basics in your situation with C and the history in an economical way (google site search and all, btw a fab early days investment, and holding), intending to read more and I'm sure I will, and that's my impression.
Don't get me wrong. I VERY much respect what you're about and exploring. But I'm not such a babe in these woods either.
The good money these days is in being what some providers like to call "courtesans." To enter this part of the business you need to have a great web site -- you develop business by word of mouth and reviews on good boards such as TER. You charge at least $300 for the first hour and recommend first visits be two hours at least. You offer the opportunity for first meeting over coffee for a reasonably smaller sum. I've seen some try to position themselves this way, but you can tell by the poor writing, grammar and typos, not to mention cheesy photos, that they don't get it. The high pay and top clientele are available to women who can demonstrate they are educated in the world and in the ways to please a man. They don't have to be the best, hottest looking either. They truly understand what a GFE is. You seem like a great candidate for this.
Is it only wallet size that matters? Going upscale will change the pool of available men but may not change the quality of man who desires to spend time with you. Not sure how this cuts. Certainly the man with more dollars has spent time at fancy restaurants, nice hotels, understands what to do with a finger bowl and likely knows how to treat his caddy at the country club. But as you describe your likes/dislikes, you might be just as happy with a horny historian (who thinks you are a safer bet than one of the undergrads from this semester's roster), as you would be with the hedge fund guru who can actually afford the "longer dates" you describe. I am not suggesting that you offer discounts, but "scholarship" players can be as talented as the "walk-ons."
The problem here is what "proxy variable" you decide to use to screen clients. Money is a variable. But what is money a proxy for?
While some men with larger wallets may have a deeper appreciation for the things you seek, others may not.
I don't have the answer--but I also don't believe that you have properly framed the question.
Fashionably late as ever but here nonetheless, Mandy! :-)
This is especially interesting to me in that, as Gillette says, to some extent you and I are doing the opposite thing with reference to rates. I started high and reduced them but you started low and are raising them. I have a funny feeling we may well meet in the middle...and I'm looking forward to it!
I can see the appeal of fewer clients at higher prices and that's certainly where I started from. My theory was that seeing fewer clients would mean I provided a superior level of service. I have to say that's not the case - the drop in prices has meant slightly more clients but it also means the 'regulars' can come back more often, so if anything my level of service has gone up too. 'Service' is often much more accomplished once you know your companion's body a little better and practice makes perfect, in this as in all things... ;-)
However I actually think you're in a much better position to do this than I was when I started the other way round. Once you've established a base of regulars, raising your prices should be easier. Clever young Master Paine is right - you can take the 'build it and they'll come' attitude or, more sensibly, test the idea on a regular or two.
I shall be reading with immense interest and am wishing you the very best of British luck!
Livvy xxx
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