Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"I Never" Without the Drinking Part


Lover says I don’t cheat on my wife and defines cheating as putting his fingers inside me, instead of just on me, around me, over the place between my legs. He won’t kiss me on the mouth, or with his mouth open, but he presses his pelvis against me in the bed we shared with Beautiful Girl, the next morning meets my eyes and then jumps back and away when she emerges from the shower. Adultery’s in the heart, I think. Eventually there is divorce, the laws of Big City tangled and slow, the division of property tedious and time-consuming, the end result satisfactory to all parties, except, perhaps, the wife. He dates. It is not cheating. I wish it felt like it was not cheating.

Lover says I wouldn’t come in a girl’s ass, wouldn’t that be awful for her? I guess I understand why someone wouldn’t like it, but once you’re nailed into the barrel it seems a waste not to head over the falls. I urge him to, he doesn’t demur. Later, in another hotel, I crouch before him having figured out (finally) that stacking up the pillows means not wearing out my left arm holding my weight while I press the bullet to my clit, and after the tick-tick-tick up the track and the first, expected longish plunge, the coaster whips into a tunnel, around three sharpish bends, I’m screaming in earnest and it doesn’t stop. Two more bends, a short wind-up (barely a breath) to another long shrieking plunge, corkscrew at 4G’s, another quick hill and finally the whoosh of the brakes coming out of another tunnel as the cars slow. Lover says, what was that? Why, that was a multiple orgasm. Always ride in the front.

(I love being past thirty and having figured out my body, I love being not afraid to try something that might not work, that we might laugh and go, well, that sucked, let’s do something else. Power Girl, amazing Power Girl, you are so strong now, in just a few years you will be a force of nature, I am not condescending, but there is so much depth to come that cannot even be told and I hope I get to watch you dive into it…)

Lover says he’s never had phone sex. Afterwards, of course. I wouldn’t have known. Due to distance and infrequency, there is a lot of phone sex. There is me-in-a-hotel, writhing-on-the-bed, bedspread-crushed-up-under-my-body, jammies-too-damp-to-sleep-in sex. There is him-in-the-car-map-over-his-lap-while-the-cop-passes sex. There is him turning on the dome light so the truckers can see my skirt rucked up, vibrator in hand in pussy, mouth-breathing hard while he talks to me, both hands on the wheel.

Lover says he could never hit someone in the face. We go to a casino hotel, check in in a snowstorm, notice the room is indeed slightly “off” in the way designed to get you out of your quarters and onto the gaming floor. We fuck. He raises his hand and pauses. I laugh and roll out from under him, “Lost your chance.” The restaurant is oddly laid out, a room across the hall has the dinner tables, the kitchen and breakfast tables are out of sight, like a very small banquet room. It’s early-bird time and we are the only diners. The waiter exits for the dessert menu. I lean forward. Meet his eyes. Shrug my eyebrows, smart-ass, triple-dog-daring. His hand comes across my face with a sound that doesn’t echo in the dull room. The waiter enters again on the follow-through, he must have heard the sound, he certainly sees the mark spreading on my face, he is clearly completely freaked out that I laugh and kiss Lover and we turn our faces toward him to order something chocolate.

He could never hit someone with the buckle end. On the clit. With a chain.

Except he could.

Given a nudge, given permission, given a partner who triple-dog-dares you, buys the chain, gives it over in a sweet little box with a bow…wouldn’t you?

(the other picture that goes with this story is here)

10 comments:

Tom Paine said...

Honestly? No. I couldn't.

The flip side of getting older is not only do you know your body (that's a good thing for men, too), you also know yourself and what you will and won't do. What makes you so uncomfortable you have to leave the room ("I Love Lucy" and "Fawlty Towers").

Maybe playing the guitar isn't enough? If not, don't sweat it. You'll have plenty who will be only too happy to slap you silly.

dexplorer said...

Except he could.

Given a nudge, given permission, given a partner who triple-dog-dares you, buys the chain, gives it over in a sweet little box with a bow…wouldn’t you?

Oh yeah.

There’s a big difference between a streak of dominance in a man that responds thrillingly to a woman’s desire to feel and lose herself beyond measure, to fall for a time in safe (because it’s with him) subspace, and a man’s attempt to coerce a woman into what she doesn’t want to do, or doesn’t yet, or not when he’s being like that.

All the difference in the world. Though the actions can look similar. Or even been similar. The feelings and the communication aren’t remotely similar.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people, men and women, just don’t get this.

Although the buckle. The buckle makes me queasy. Lots of care needed. Yeah the queasy can be part of the thrill for the she, and a demo of great trust for the he.

On the clit? christ. even queasier. on steroids.

I guess that's the point.

Anonymous said...

I've been dying to hear the rest of both of those stories. The context makes the big picture come together.

Thanks Mandy!

A. Reader, Esq. said...

It's amazing what the right person can get someone to do, what lay hidden inside someone, now can emerge.

I know.

I could never understand rough until I met the one.

I love the look she gave me when she was rewarded.

Then I understood.


A. Reader, Esq.

Mandy said...

Tom - I would no more have the same sex with every person I'm with than I would wear the same dress on every date :) So you're safe.

It wouldn't be worth doing the same thing with everyone - and I wouldn't want to. Blowing another man in the shower is not, for me, cheating - but letting someone else hit me probably is.

Dex - I'm busy lately, but I've been reading your comments and planning to go back and respond. Thanks for the input, I appreciate your careful reading.

There have been a lot of times when we've thought, damn, that was really far, I don't think we ever need to go past that...but then we do. Still, there's a lot of trust and a lot of communication (the play-by-play is almost as much fun as the act, sometimes even more so) and the activities (such a cute word, like there are crayons and safety scissors involved...hmmm...no.) have gradually developed over a period of years. I can't even get spanked hard on the first hit, it has to build.

Anon - you're welcome :)

A Reader - yeah, isn't it funny how something that would be unpleasant or silly with one person can be so amazing with another one?

One of the things that makes Husband and Lover work for me is that the relationships are wildly different. This is one aspect of that difference. I'll have to write about that.

Blissfully Wed said...

I love reading your stuff.

Thanks for sharing.

dexplorer said...

One of the things that makes Husband and Lover work for me is that the relationships are wildly different. This is one aspect of that difference. I'll have to write about that.

Oh yes.

Yes, YES.

btw, I've been recommending your site and a very few others as examples of sometimes highly erotic and always fascinating female sex blogs that are VERY well written, that I'm sure are true and about self understanding and revelation for the woman writer, that I think erotica hungry women at least as much as men will find thrilling -- recommending it that is in some places that aren't at all like this site but have some pretty big traffic and I think quite a lot of receptive type readers.

dexplorer said...

god bad, bad girls,

especially really smart bad girls,

are wonderful.

especially when they can write.

dexplorer said...

Dex - I'm busy lately, but I've been reading your comments and planning to go back and respond. Thanks for the input, I appreciate your careful reading.

Great!

If you do comment on a newish comment of mine that's pretty far back in your blog, would you point in a current comment thread to the date(s)? Probably some of your other fans would like to catch what you say too, the one's who are up to date that is, and though I've got some of my longer comments to you separately rss fed in case you do, I don't have them all. So I might miss.

A. Reader, Esq. said...

So now we have Beautiful Girl & Lover. And Mandy. Ahhh. Another chapter uncovered. More soon?

We still don't know when pain became delicious. And hair pulling. And being rough aroused. Maybe someday.

Unlike Tom. the older I become, the more it becomes like a swan dive instead instead of tippy-toeing to the edge of things waiting and prolonging it.

Like you said. A Nudge. Permission. A triple-dog-dare. Then the "Pleasantville".


A. Reader, Esq.