I send this to Circus Guy:
I was so flattered that you respect and like me enough to ask me to consider a regular relationship with you. Please know that I hold you in high regard – I think you're a great person, you're fun to be around, the sex is fantastic and I really enjoy our times together, but I just can't commit to another relationship in my life.
It is absolutely not you or the way I feel about you. I'm sure that we'd both have a great time! But I barely have time to maintain my marriage and my existing friendships, and I'm not open to having another person in my life right now. It's already a struggle to make time for home, family and friends. I've carved out a little bit of time for the "hobby," but it really only works for me because it's paid time.
I hope you'd still like to see me in my capacity as a paid companion – I certainly don't think of you as a "John", and you don't make me feel like a "prostitute," and I really value and enjoy our time together. Yes, the money is nice, and it's what makes me able to take the time from the rest of my life to be with you, but when I'm with you, it's truly the time that's being bought. The things we do together I genuinely enjoy, and the money isn't why I share those things with you. (I actually mean this, as much as I can mean it with someone I've met twice) You're a very special man whom I love spending time with, and I hope we'll get to spend time together again soon.
With love,
[realname]
He sends me:
...of course I was disappointed with your answer. I just cant afford to see you. Love ya but I'm a [lowpaid job] not a [highpaid job]. I wasn't trying to take up much of your time. Just hopping to see you when I could. If ever you would like just to have a date, please let me know.
Thank you
[Circus guy]
It is difficult to feel other than that this is a bit of a slap from God -
Don't try to like them for real...it's a waste of time.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Slap From God
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8 comments:
Sounds like a hazard of the trade...
Yeah, well, hearts and minds can be funny like that - not following the rules, and staying within borders.
A slap from God? Who knows? It sounds like you did the right thing, sometimes starting yet another activity in your life is the worst thing to do when you are already maxed out. Believe me, I've made that mistake before (several times).
Alex
http://clearslate2007.wordpress.com/
I also think you did the right thing. Our beloved Circus Guy crossed the line and frankly you were probably easier on him than he deserved.
When the appointment is over, it's over (until the next one).
Think of all of the hundreds of people that provide different services to us all the time. The girl at the coffee shop, the teller at the bank, the directory assistance operator. I'm happy to have them provide the service contracted for and not hear from them until their services are needed again (even though I'm sure the directory assistance girl has my number).
It's a gross oversimplification, but many men that hire escorts are lacking in some socialization skill which prevents them from forming relationships with the opposite sex that meet their emotional and physical needs.
The rest are men who want what you provide for other reasons; they can't score with someone as hot as you or they want to experience something that would be difficult to experience in their day-to-day lives (BSDM, role play, the Cleavland Steamer). These are the clients you want, the ones (like you) who have rich, full lives outside of the hobby except for the limited scope of the services you provide.
The task, dear Mandy, is to tell them apart.
Remember "The Godfather" line in the restaurant: "it's not personal, it's business." Gentlereaderofthemuse understands things fully.
I have a stripper acquaintance, and the same thing happens there. You're a magical, elusive ideal and they will fall for you because you represent something they want but can only get by paying for it. Ironically, rich men pay for their arm candy, too, but matrimony scrubs away some of the ick factor.
I don't think you could have done it more gently. He knows it's a commercial relationship and probably understands your explanation without being emotionally traumatized. He may even get back in touch next year after he's saved up another $500.
Allow me to share a conversation I had with a stripper once.
Her: Would you like me to keep going?
Me: Yes, but I can't pay you any more.
Her: I have to stop then.
Me: I know.
She recently quit dancing and took a job in the building where I work. I try to be friendly without being creepy.
I'm actually amazed at how professionaly you conduct yourself. Sacred whore would be an apt description.
It's a compliment that he wanted to spend more time with you.
And...I think I have said it before here and elsewhere that those who want "more" are the ones who are always wanting you at discount or for free. Not sure where that comes from, but there it is. And then when you give the discount or free, they want more time. Then more energy. Then just more in every way.
Boundary crossers, needy people, not generous all go hand in hand, I tell ya...sometimes it just takes time to identify them. He actually gave you the gift of showing who he is soonly rather than wasting more of your time and energy. In my mind, ya done good.
I agree with Gillette...those that usually want "more" just want a discount or free. And then more time and more energy. Or they think you don't have someone in your life who loves and wants to "save" you. Either way though it is free sex for them - or that is what they hope at least.
I was an escort and also owned an agency. I just always made it a firm rule that although I LOVED my "job" it was a job because that is how I paid bills. And it would always be that way. I enjoyed my time with many clients but they always remained in the client category. Keeping my boundaries firm helped me not make things too personal.
Yeah of course you did the right thing.
I'm not so sure he won't be back, on a paying basis. Not right away however. But you might not want the potential repeat issue. Though it shouldn't be hard to suppress.
As well, if he had more money, I don't think your extra intimacy with him would necessarily have been such a problem. Though as I said earlier, you probably went quite a bit too far in that anyway (real full name, etc., too much background info, certainly all at once).
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