Friday, March 16, 2007

Bits and Pieces

…I’m seeing Sexual Athlete, my very own Energizer Bunny, next week. He’s thrilled. He’s clean, reasonably fit, nice, gives free legal advice, and he seems to be revealing similar tastes in sex. I wish I liked him more – he’s my best client thus far, is starting to book 2-hour appointments and doesn’t ever bitch about the price – and I’m trying to judge how much to let myself go with him. On the one hand, I’ll probably enjoy our appointments a lot more if I’m real. On the other, he did send me that card…
…In a related development, Sexual Athlete emailed me detailing how complimented he was that I pulled out a Magnum (instead of regular) condom for him (he’s only slightly bigger than average, but it was the one on top). Apparently, it was a total turn-on. Who’d-a-thunk…
…Lover sends me a cryptic text message. I respond “I don’t understand.” Lover later phones and apologizes for sending a flirty message intended for another woman to my phone. I say, “I had no idea that was the case…but I do now.” Turns out he didn’t actually send me the wrong message, the one meant for me just wasn’t well-phrased. This is, I think, a lesson in recognizing Lover’s status as fellow-adventurer rather than being the dog in the manger I would like to be. Worship isn’t enough – I want exclusivity. Even though I’m fucking other people (oh, yeah, and married) and we’re in cities several states apart for the foreseeable future. Totally unreasonable of me, I know. It’s a process…
…Sign in a salon window: “Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Makeover!!!” Aw, honey, I love you. But you’re ugly…

4 comments:

Tom Paine said...

It's hilarious how vain we men are about our dicks. I'm glad to be over that, I'm at a stage where I'm confident of what I can do, and if you're hung up on size, that's your loss, not mine. Just as I'd never want to date a woman who was only seeing me because I'm rich/famous/black/play the guitar, I don't want anyone in my bed who has an _idee fixe_ about what I should look like down there.

As to how you should feel with SA, well, you're rubbing up against those boundaries again. For me, I am more comfortable having things clear. If we're NSA sex, then I don't want to let myself get involved with you. If I have feelings for you, then I know it will bother me if you're sleeping with other people if I don't want you to.

As to Lover and his chick(s) on the side, you're just following my dictum about GFs being selfish and irrational. You and C. should have a lot of common ground, and you should know by now I encourage her in it.

A. said...

Sorry, Tom, but would you mind clarifying what a GF is?

I'm not being confrontational. I just want to know because I want my next comment to make sense.

Mandy said...

It's not so much that I want to have "feelings" for him, but rather that I don't look forward to seeing him when I think of him as a client and maintain that reserved when I'm with him. I'd rather enjoy seeing him and like him as a person, and have the money buy the time, but I don't know if I connect with him as a person enough to actually do that...

I think GF is girlfriend? Tom?

A. said...

Thanks, Mandy. I thought GF was girlfriend so I'll build on that.

And Tom, this comment isn't meant as a flame. I just take exception to what you wrote and I want to expand on it.

I love women, I respect women and I respect it when a woman I'm with wants me to do nasty, joyful things with/to them. Respect does not have to come at the expense of playfulness.

This "selfish and irrational" dictum belittles Mandy's coming to terms with the inherent contradiction in wanting personal polyamory and fidelity in those same partners.

Wanting fidelity in others is natural because we all want to be that special someone. I also think that the desire for multiple partners is natural. These instincts are always in conflict. It is this conflict that makes us more than animals and less than saints.

I respect Mandy's rationality. Your comment sounds like you indulge GFs almost like errant puppies: "Oh look, you ripped my favorite pair of Oxfords to shreds! Bad girl! But how can I stay mad at you! <scratches behind the ears>"

What you do in your relationships is none of my business, and if if this kind of indulgence turns you on, so be it. Mandy's reflections on exclusivity in others and polyamory in heself are thought-provoking and, I think, very important.