Saturday, August 4, 2007

Tiny Stars


Man Who Loves Stars is yet another musician (he does not play the guitar). When I see him in the restaurant, his face lights up, he stands to greet me, he has lost weight. When he hugs me, the solidness of his body is a wall of comfort, much like Fucked-Up Guy, only not, well, fucked-up. This is not a date, another friend is here, Man Who Loves Stars has had the foresight to warn me there will not be private time tonight, and the class to buy my dinner anyway. It’s a pub, London food, which is to say curry. I ask the waiter to surprise me, not fish. The food comes, there is some kind of meat and some sort of gravy and I think vegetables or at least something else that is not meat, but I am not tasting food, only nearness and our knees rubbing under the table. I want to make this man happy, I want to see the light in his face when he sees my naked body and yet it is a calm, certain want, an expectation of what will happen at an unrushed, un-urgent time to come.

There are two stolen moments when our friend is at the bar. First, he says:

“Is there anything else you’d like to tell me about your life right now?”

I am washed with a wave of awe, that this boy, this man, has the interest and caring to ask this. I can’t think of anything better, and short enough to fit in the time span, so I tell him my price has gone up. He is genuinely delighted on my behalf.

The second time, we lean into each other, our knees joined by my hand, and he reaches his soft, strong hand for mine. I babble something about my marriage going well, but mostly what I want to say is, do you have any idea, any idea at all, how safe you make me feel? How comfortable I am with you? Instead, I scoot my chair around and he rubs my back through the next topic of conversation, his hands sliding into my hair, along my neck. He will never grasp the roots and pull. And that is one hundred kinds of okay with me.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i love these little glimmers of sweetness and realness that come through, the real you, my little muse. big love, me

G said...

M? Are you telling us this is possibly New Lover?

Mandy said...

BG - thanks - I'm glad you like :)

G - I don't know - the story is still happening! There is another story to tell about Lover that isn't posted yet, but, interestingly, I will spend all fall around several of the men in my life...

dexplorer said...

Mandy, are you willing to spill how long ago episode 2 of you back story on Man Who Loves Stars was? You wrote that and episode 1 up in a very age and date fuzzy way, with few if any clues as to what came before or after it.

My gut is telling me that Man Who Loves Stars is more like husband-2 in the sexual and other roles he plays for you, than a replacement for Lover.

No?

G said...

oh my. Fall sounds tricky and intensly interesting. I only ask about MWLS as new lover because you write about him so tenderly.

Mandy said...

Ah, the joys of writing out of sequence :)

Clarification, Gentle Readers - the older story about Man Who Loves Stars (in two parts) took place last fall. Tiny Stars took place last week. (And yes, I do feel very tenderly towards him.)

There are further developments with Lover, with another gentleman referenced in passing long ago and in this story (the linked fellow), and I am about to plunge into yet another spell with not much time to write...but! I'm going to try my damnedest to keep it going, even if it's in short bursts when I can get wi-fi at the QuikStop.

Uhave said...

Sounds like you're getting soft! I worry for you...in your profession, can you afford that luxury?

Hannah said...

Sorry it took me a while to get to you...but here they are:

1. Describe yourself in one word.
2. Is there anything you regret? Not just "oh, I wish I'd done that differently", but a genuine regret, something you would unhesitatingly take back if it were possible?
3. What makes your heart sigh?
4. What's your favorite kind of art?
5. What part of your body do y ou love, and why?