Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Closer to Fine


I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

Me: I think we should be not-friends for awhile and see how that works out.

Him: OK, I'll talk to you...later.

(sound of two car ignitions)

And there it is. The magic-fucking-bullet. And not the silver bullet I use so much the paint's starting to wear off, thank you Doc Johnson, but the bullet that puts the whole damn thing to rest, stops me tearing out my hair and my heart. Confirm delete friend.

An hour later, I'm in therapy, with my dread-locked doctor nodding seriously at me:

"So, he started dating one of your employees? That's a very angry move."

I have never thought of it that way. I tell her, I tell Beautiful Girl, I tell another friend, yes, we went on vacation together for a few days, we came to a meeting of the minds, we moved on from oh-our-relationship-made-me-a-bad-person-and-now-I-am-redeemed, and he told me he always wanted to be full time and permanent, at heart he is monogamous, he didn't want me to fuck other people but emphasized getting turned on so he could deal with it, he wanted me to leave my husband.

They all say, "That certainly puts it all on you."

I tell Doctor Dreadlocks I'm screwed, I have to make a decision whether to hire his girlfriend and keep her where I can see her, or not hire her and have her show up where I am without warning, to visit him.

She says, "That's his mess. He made that problem. Tell him to clean it up."

And maybe I will.

But right now the feeling of not-talking, not-poking, not-friending, not-worrying is so freeing and lifting me from the dark fog of maybe I will take all these pills that rattle so invitingly in my purse, that I can't be bothered to pick up the phone, not even for a tiny victory.

There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive...

8 comments:

Randysrandy said...

Hi Mandy - Good to hear fro you.

If you ask me (and I know you didn't but I am one of those guys who puts in his 2 cents anyway) being not friends sure beats the alternative.

And as for your staffing dilemma, it seems to me that hiring her keeps you tied to him (and him to you) which will counteract that wonderful feeling of not-_________. Find someone else without him on her resume.

End of 2 cents. :)

RR

Mandy said...

I would absolutely pick that as my first choice. But, if I don't control her location, she will turn up to visit him...and he has chosen to be in my location.

Fortunately, this may become moot - I'm hoping to have an event happen where she becomes a solution to my professional needs rather than my personal problem. Fingers crossed :)

Randysrandy said...

First, forgot to mention, but I love that song. You will have to tag it for the next holiday album.

Second, hope it all becomes moot real soon.

Third, don't you just love it when people say "mute point" instead of "moot point"?

Fingers crossed, RR

Tom Paine said...

Not talking to someone makes it a "mute" point....

Numi said...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*pant pant pant*
But seriously: I'm so happy for you!
Hurrah for a free Mandy! Yay! Yay! :D

RICHARD said...

Mandy,
It's Dick Muse.
I told you a decade ago on monday night , the 6th. of Oct. @ 8:15 P.M. 1999 that I would wait for YOU till the stars all fell out of the sky. I still in the COSMOS and watching close to you my Soul Mate
361-816-9536 rlm

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RICHARD said...

LOVE is as sweet as the rose you are Mandy. But every time I hold You too close, the Thorns Prick & I Bleed! How the Closeness Hurt & the Distance is Oh SOOO Sweet!
But WE are One With the Cosmos!
Eternal ove always! dick