Sunday, December 9, 2007

Unclear on the Concept

I’ve been engaged in a minor email exchange for nearly a year with a non-potential client who found me through one of the whoreboards. It’s gone on for some months, and I keep thinking, maybe he’ll get the hint? But…

In February, Idiot Boy writes:
Hi. I am 37 MWM 6'1 185#. The post by [this client] inspired me to contact you. I would love to correspond by email more.

Said client posted that I was a nice person, prettier than my pictures, and following my stated plan of meeting gentlemen for coffee before committing to an appointment.

I respond, about a month later because I’m new to my anonymous email and have lost track of the emails lower on the page:

Yes, I'd love to correspond more by email - I'm not seeing very many people, and it is really important to me to get to know each other first :)

A little bit about me - I just finished my graduate degree in [Big City], in [my field], and am resting and recuperating in [Midwestern State] until I move out to [Another Big City], where I hope to live and work.

(This is my basic cover story, because it gives me a reason to stop returning their calls later.)

I've read a lot of books about this hobby, and it always seemed attractive to me, and this felt like my chance to try out something new in my life. I'm a bit of an internet junkie - I'm really getting into reading blogs - and I also love to read. I used to teach yoga and am kind of getting back into practicing it, but it's a physical rather than a philosophical pursuit (though it does make me calmer :)).

Physically, I'm a 33-y-o redhead, and I'd call my build athletic with curves - I'm not a hardbody, but I'm strong, fit and flexible. I have the little tummy that goes with having breasts (36C) and a round behind. I'm 5'8" and 130 pounds.

I was actually 155, but so many women lie about their weight that if you admit your actual weight, you sound like a cow, and if you drop off 20 pounds you look exactly as they expect. Now I'm 140 (thank you Break-Up Diet) so I should start saying I'm 125...

My only real taboo is that I don't speak Greek, so if that's a big one for you, don't let me disappoint you :) As far as the technical details go, I don't keep track of time - I prefer to just have a pleasant meeting and let it last as long as it feels right for both people. My student loan payment is $275,

Ah, my old rate…

and I know that the type of gentleman I'd like to spend time with will certainly take care of me if we do end up spending more than an unrushed hour and a half together.

I'd love to know more about you - what are your hobbies, what interests you about the world? Looking forward to chatting -


There are 322 words in that email.

Idiot Boy responds, about a month later:
are you still in town?

I send back:
Yes, I am, but I'm involved in a work project and I’m not making any appointments this month :) I hope you're well!

He responds the *same day*:
wife is gone until tues and i am free anytime. would to love to see you?

And I figure he’s just stupid:
I'm sorry, I'm involved in a work project and not making any appointments this month. Thanks for your interest, though!

Nothing for awhile. Then this week:
Are you free this month?

And you know, I should just stop answering. Or tell him I never want to see him. But I was raised to never say no, so I think, perhaps this moron will get it:

Hi there - I'm flattered that you've stayed in touch, but I try to develop a more personal relationship with the very few people that I see. I'd love to know more about your interests and what we might have in common - you might scroll down to my original email to you and see if there's anything that strikes a chord. I generally don't see people who aren't interested in a closer connection, because there are so many wonderful ladies focusing on shorter appointments who do a much better job at that type of friendship!

Also, I no longer see people on an hourly basis - I prefer to spend time that feels more like a date with special private time, and that may not be what you're looking for.

I'd love to get to know you better and see if we might hit it off, but I understand if this is not your style.

Have a lovely day!


Five dollars says I get another ten-word email in two weeks…


Cyrano Q said...

Obviously, I've never been in your line of work, but I have looked for, er, entertainment on sites such as AFF, as a single man, part of a couple, and even (for research purposes) as a single female. And the one thing that's clear is that whatever you say, people don't pay the slightest bit of attention. They have their agenda, and they assume you'll fit into it until you actually say, "No. Sorry."

And even then some of them don't hear you. Those are the ones known as "stalkers" ...

Autumn said...

The commenter above it has said it most succinctly. All I can share is the most recent mistake of mine, which was an encouraging note to a friend of a friend who posted on Craigslist, and though I'm only plainly pretty (read: cute but not hot) the five-ten word e-mails have been rolling in like expired aspirin out of a bottle.
There are many, many people in this world who only get the point when smacked upside/backside/around the head with it a la cinder block, and I'm sure you know it better than many of us.

Tom Paine said...

We have gotten emails on the swinger site we've frequented saying "hi, I'm free tonight, let's get together."

Gee, let me just drop every fucking thing in my life and make your night for you....

T.O. Perv said...

(short time reader, first time commenter. actually, today is the first day i started going through your blog, and i like it.)

i found this post very interesting. being on the other side of the fence, my emails are always long, and i always agonize over getting them just right. (i'm never really sure what to put in an email, when i'm contacting a girl i haven't met before.) i'll spend an hour on a two paragraph email, if i'm emailing a new girl i've never visited before.

and i always thought that they were probably too LONG, and i should pare them down. which may be the case, but at least i pay attention when she responds. . .

Mandy said...

TO Perv - I think it depends on the girl. I'd rather get a longer email, because I want to know people, but that's my thing.

That's a good description, Gentle Readers - people who assume you fit into their agenda until proven otherwise!