Thursday, February 22, 2007


Wow. Girls. They’re just so soft.

I spent the time before my second appointment in a state of mild agony. All the myths and fears about the vagina came up. Would it smell funny? Would it taste bad? Would it reach out with horrible tentacle teeth and suck me in like the Sarlac monster? (I freak out my gay friend S. by making my hands into a jaw with finger-claw teeth and making biting motions). I call Lover and a male friend for advice.

“You know what feels good to you, which is a huge head start. All girls are different, but it tends to be variations on a theme. And you pay attention to your lovers, which is the rest of the battle. If she makes a noise when you touch her that way, do it again. Then do it harder, softer, and in circles, then on to a different part but coming back later.”


“Just let her know that you love being with her and want to make her feel good. Really love her before you ever go down there. The more she feels like you really enjoy being with her, the better it will be.”

My day of mild mishaps continues as I drive to meet Shortish Guy and Hot Bi Chick. I leave a little late, my phone is still out of minutes, I get off at the wrong exit and have to turn around. But I do, eventually, make it to the Midprice Hotel, and there they are. Room 234. King-size bed, Jacuzzi tub, Shortish Guy smiling nervously as he opens the door, and Hot Bi Chick lying on her stomach on the bed, tight jeans, tight low-cut t-shirt, bronze spike heels with thin chains along the instep.

She is, in fact, hot. A little heavily made-up for my taste – I’ve heard Pam Anderson is gently lovely minus a few layers of spackle – but tall, shapely, pouty-lipped, multiply pierced and visibly tattooed. When there's ink on your wrists, it’s a pretty solid “f--- you” to Corporate America. I think, I’m sure she’s got more piercings…and I’m about to find out exactly where they are.

I stay focused on her, wary of any jealousy issues. I’ve taken off my leggings from under my long brown suede skirt, taken off my shoes, and I sit by the bed, resting my arm on the spread, my head near hers. We talk about shoes – always safe. They give me a glass of wine. I don’t drink, at all, but it’s clearly special to them, her favorite wine, and I wet my lips with it and hold the bowl in my hand. She complains that it “needs to open up,” which gives me an excuse to wait.

Hot Bi Chick takes the lead.

“I’m wearing too many clothes,” and with that, we all get naked. I try to step in and help her take off her shirt, but we all just shuck. She’s lovely. Completely shaven, soft little tummy, gorgeous breasts in a boring white bra – after all, she doesn’t have to impress, I’m here for her pleasure. She wants implants. I think she’s crazy. “I want them to be more like each other, and more in the middle.” Symmetrical and centered, says the writer in my head, realizing that no, honey, you don’t want implants, you want $10,000 of corrective surgery, Lindsay Lohan style, “$10,000 breasts are worth $10,000 because they look free.” Nevertheless, they are lovely. And the other piercing is clitoral hood. At least it will be easy to locate.

I kneel between them on the bed, him I could take or leave, she’s looking more appetizing by the minute. I lean in and kiss her lips, soft, gloss-coated, her tongue darts into my mouth and I gently suck it. I kiss her eyes, the corners of her forehead, the tips of her ears, licking the outer folds, her earlobes, moving down her neck and smelling her perfume, something I recognize but I can’t put my finger on. She’s responsive, enough that I wonder if she’s faking, but I’m the hired help, why should she bother? We’ve already talked about hey, if it’s not working, let’s laugh and do something else. I move between her breasts, the valley smells of more perfume, she says she put it on since it’s a special occasion. They are so soft. They overflow my hands, the nipples small for her size and gently pointed, very pinky-brown. I do the thing that men do to me (some women must like it or they wouldn’t keep doing it, right?), holding her breasts together and moving my mouth from nipple to nipple, sucking, licking, biting the amount I suspect a pierced girl would like. She moans. Shortish Guy talks dirty – he has checked in advance, can he talk dirty, can he slap her ass, my answer was yes, just don’t call me c--- or whore. She leans up and sucks my nipples, dark red-brown lip gloss rings my nipples. I kiss her neck again, licking with the tip of my tongue up one side and under the curve of her jaw. And I can feel it’s time to head south…

Her belly yields under my hands, I hold her hips and lick her navel, there’s a hole where she used to wear a 2-gauge ring. It’s a big hole. I kiss the inside of her thighs and lick her hip creases, she’s moaning and wiggling under my hands. She tastes, first, of deodorant – girls who shave completely use it to keep down razor burn. I make my tongue a point and slip it between her labia, first sliding upward, then returning to my starting point and using my tongue flat. She tastes like me, that slightly sharp taste from inside, and like nothing – like skin that’s been washed. Once I lick away the sharp, there’s no taste at all, just the slight sense that it’s not the inside of my mouth I’m licking. I think of all the times I’ve lain on my back and wished for a broad tongue doing something repetitive, firmly, and aim for below the piercing.

“Oh, God, she’s so good…” Hot Bi Chick moans. “Guys just want to eat the whole thing, girls know you have to stay on the clit…” Shortish Guy talks dirty some more. He’s not really relevant at this point, but I look up from her pussy and smile with my eyes so he won’t feel left out. She comes remarkably fast. I wonder if she’s faking, but she’s shaking and moaning. Feeling her legs convulse around my head is incredible, it’s one thing to bring off a man, but this is like discovering fire, so far minus the liver-eating bird part. We rest.

“Think there’s another one in there?” looking up at her, my head resting on her thigh. Shortish Guy says, “You want her to eat that hot little pussy again? You want that, don’t you?” Hot Bi Chick nods. I’m thrilled. It’s like Christmas morning the year I finally got a bike instead of a letter from Santa explaining how many older boys and girls were ahead of me on the list, thanks for the cookies, see you next year.

This time, I slow down a little, if I’ve made her come (or care enough to fake it), it’s ok, I didn’t suck. I toy with her clit ring in my teeth, gently tugging it while sucking softly. When I slide my finger inside her, she’s tighter than I expect, and I make a mental note to compare at home. I make the beckoning motion to hit the front wall, if the G-spot exists, I’m there for it. Her eyes half-close, she starts to moan again, and she spasms around my finger, she’s definitely not faking. (I realize as I write this, I want to fist her.)

We turn to him. Either they use condoms for everything, or her “I make him by non-lubricated, they taste better” is to make me feel less like the help. She sucks him while I lick his nipple. I suck him while she kisses him. We both lick his cock, kissing each other around it, I make a mental note to tell this to Guitarist, whose number-one fantasy is two mouths, one cock (his). Shortish Guy talks dirty some more. He’d be fine but for the money on his own. With her, I’m having a great time. It’s fun! It’s sensual! It’s hot! Go Team! She mounts him and rides until she comes again, I kiss her and hold her from behind, “you’re so hot, so beautiful.” I change places with her, I hope I’m close to as tight. She kisses my neck, she rubs my back, she kisses him. “You know,” I say after a few minutes, “Normally I’d just fake it at this point, but I really do want to come.” Shortish Guy talks dirty, Hot Bi Chick kisses me and holds my breasts from behind, it’s a lot like the thus-far-all-male scenario involving a pool table that is my sure-fire ‘come now’ fantasy. I do. Loudly. It’s a big one. They like it, they are only mildly surprised.

“Let’s let her rest a little,” he says about me. She straddles him again in reverse cowgirl and I watch her ride him, tell her how hot it is, how beautiful she is. She says she was watching the same thing while he fucked me. “Your turn to do the work,” she tells him, and he folds her in half and takes her on her back, fucks her hard while I whisper in her ear, hold them both. We end up finishing him by hand, Hot Bi Chick kissing him while I stroke him hard, minus condom. “That's the most I've ever seen you come” she says.

She runs the shower for me, I leave it running for them, my money’s on the TV, it was easy to earn, almost a bonus. They talk together in the shower. I muse on how it’s better to get my money at the end, then I’m not as worried about hiding it. Before I leave, she asks if I would ever do an overnight with them.

Damn straight.


Anonymous said...

Apparently "totally full of shit" is code for entirely accurate. No apology necessary, Mr Paine.

Mandy said...

Gentlemen, no tiffing, please :)

I can only speak for me - I've been bi-curious, but it's been a much more limited interest - that is, with guys, I love sex, with girls, I'm interested in a very particular subset of girls, and it's a more whole-person thing than just the physical attraction. Surveying my female friends - a healthy mix of bi, bi-curious, and no thanks not for me. So While I suspect there are more bi-curious girls than will admit it, I doubt it's all women.

Tom Paine said...

You're still totally full of shit, and we'll ignore the fact that you missed the part about the client's name? Hot Bi Chick? But Ms. Mandy has spoken, so I'll let her have the last word. If you want an argument, come over to my blog and C. will destroy you.

it’s one thing to bring off a man, but this is like discovering fire, so far minus the liver-eating bird part.

You're the only writer I know who can make me aroused and laugh out loud at the same time. C. and I are really looking forward to meeting your someday just to experience more of that amazing sense of humor. Maybe you should try stand-up, too? There are plenty of niche comics, but I don't think anyone's ever done it from a hooker perspective. You'd kill them.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Great post, Mandy. You gave an amazing description of beautiful event.

I would be honored if you visited my blog - I just took my first leap into erotic fiction an am looking for feedback.


Mandy said...

Alex, I enjoyed reading your stories, and the comments on your life. I wanted to comment over there but WordPress won't let me unless I'm logged in, and I don't know what that means since the login screen didn't give me an option to register. ??

Why do you anticipate that your wife won't want to/be able to give what you're looking for? (Might be something to blog about)

Good luck and happy writing!

Amanda said...

Hi Mandy,

I just discovered your blog last sugasm (68, that is), and I'm hooked. You're a fabulous writer. I haven't been this excited to blogroll something in a good long time!

Lila said...

Welcome to the world of loving women.